Monday, September 16, 2013

Dear Diary,

My whole life I have always counted every single pound, lost or gained. I can look back at pictures and tell you exactly how much I weighed at that moment. Recently I can safely say that I have been even more on top of things. I'm never without my scale and I probably weight myself way more than I should (at least 3x a day), it's like an obsession.

For the last year I have been beating myself up like crazy. Criticizing my body, comparing myself to others, Making fun of myself (which only opens the doors for others to do so too). I'm either on a complete health kick or I just don't give a fuck. What started out as "let me drop 3 lbs" is now weight gain of 9 lbs. Now I'm not saying that I'm overweight or fat. I'm barely 5'1 and 9 lbs  makes a difference on me but not enough for me to allow myself to think so negatively about my body and put myself down in front of others. I'm going to go ahead and play doctor and self diagnose with a slight body dysmorphia.

Which brings me to my next issue...Pinterest and Instragram sure hasn't helped and got me thinking...

I think all  the comparisons, negativity, high expectations,stupid jokes and stressing over it has been holding me back from my goals. I  have to stop being so hard on myself, criticizing and over thinking everything about my body. I have to do what works for me, what makes me happy and not what drives me insane or makes me obsessive.

I'm not those stick thin women and I will never be. I can also say with confidence I don't want to be them! I have my own body, my Brazilian curves which I happen to love and so does my husband. When I lost my baby weight Pinterest didnt exist. There was no secret 10 lb in 10 day diet. I used my own pictures as motivation. I ate in moderation, I exercised like a normal person. I never beat myself for indulging once in a while. Every time I had to get dressed to go somewhere I looked in the mirror and I was so proud of how far I had come. I never stressed and that was probably the real secret to my consistency.

My motivation board has been deleted...


9 Months postpartum looking like a hot mama doing my Baywatch run! hahaha

1 comment:

  1. Great post! And yes I do love your Brazilian curves ;)